I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
