Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
