She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
