why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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