Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
