Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
