a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
