Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
