If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
