Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How external is "for external use only"?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Congratulations! We have a period
is it fun? or sober?
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