Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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