We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
