Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize