I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
