Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
