I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
