saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
