been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
