he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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