Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
