you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
