I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ketchup is God's man juice
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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