I look better un-naked...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
