can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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