I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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