I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
