i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
