We're like a lot better than the average bears
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize