I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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