Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
