Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
