i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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