just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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