oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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