Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
