I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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