i can't believe i had my finger in that
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
