dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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