At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
