Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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