I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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