Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
