I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
