There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
