I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Found your dick twin last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
