I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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