Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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