LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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