I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
