Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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