So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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