just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
