if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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