Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
