would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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