She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
