Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
