if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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