It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
