Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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