If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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