How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
