Soap is not a condiment
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
