Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
